This just in! A conservative man in Toronto has been convicted of rape after consensual sex with a liberal woman, who assumed he too was liberal because he was wearing Birkenstocks and carrying a backpack with a Greenpeace logo on it.

Even though the sex was fine, when she found out he was a card-carrying member of the Conservative Party and was using his nephew’s backpack as a ploy to arouse her lust (the sandals really were just for comfort), she accused him of rape. The courts found that indeed the man had committed “rape by deception.”

Okay, that isn’t true. But this is: a 30-year old delivery man, Sabbar Kashur, was sent to jail for 18 months for having hooked up under the Jewish name of “Daniel” with a Jerusalem woman in 2008. They met on the street, repaired to a nearby office building, and went at it. The woman had no complaints about the sex until it was revealed the guy wasn’t Jewish. Then she screamed rape.